I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
My penis needs a shock collar
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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