You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize