There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
