Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
