i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
