I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
