are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
