I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
