Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
