and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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