A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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