god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
He passed out mid-signature
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
