before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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