Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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