If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
