i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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