Christians are straight up FREAKS
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I intend to get homeless drunk
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
