Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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