After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
