he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
