I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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