allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Come see our sink grown plant.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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