I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
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Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
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I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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