How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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