So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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