OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
