Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
