When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
