Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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