I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He passed out mid-signature
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
