I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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