there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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