if you like me you must not know who I am
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I think my vagina is haunted
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
