My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
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you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
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If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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