sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
