On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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