I think I am morally bankrupt
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
The Olympian is in my bed
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
