Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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