I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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