LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
