Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Randomize