Texts From Last Night

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  (206): View more from Washington

  sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before

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  (206): sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before http://tfl.nu/9maa
  Replies (84) Good night (1081) Bad night (3765)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.

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  (517): Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever. http://tfl.nu/y7ox
  Replies (47) Good night (4132) Bad night (1295)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"

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  (262): i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???" http://tfl.nu/nk2u
  Replies (12) Good night (1035) Bad night (3995)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.

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  (913): He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me. http://tfl.nu/hd8j
  Replies (36) Good night (754) Bad night (4237)
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  (905): View more from Toronto

  Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.

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  (905): Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine. http://tfl.nu/hm69
  Replies (12) Good night (1246) Bad night (3997)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in

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  (740): this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in http://tfl.nu/i6mo
  Replies (13) Good night (3333) Bad night (586)
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.

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  (281): i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night. http://tfl.nu/0cve
  Replies (71) Good night (1512) Bad night (6260)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice

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  (920): its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice http://tfl.nu/sbu6
  Replies (16) Good night (4649) Bad night (1363)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?

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  (214): You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right? http://tfl.nu/pmdc
  Replies (7) Good night (1088) Bad night (2512)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.

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  (206): You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want. http://tfl.nu/h1r5
  Replies (5) Good night (570) Bad night (1355)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.

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  (484): announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention. http://tfl.nu/v327
  Replies (11) Good night (2076) Bad night (451)
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  (660): View more from Missouri

  I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!

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  (660): I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification! http://tfl.nu/z1dt
  Replies (5) Good night (1055) Bad night (469)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.

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  (443): i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands. http://tfl.nu/4s4w
  Replies (2) Good night (296) Bad night (623)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.

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  (513): I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled. http://tfl.nu/l7r8
  Replies (8) Good night (933) Bad night (207)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....

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  (416): Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat.... http://tfl.nu/xy0p
  Replies (4) Good night (295) Bad night (498)

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