If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
17 People Reveal The Reasons Behind Their Foot Fetish
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads