he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
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He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
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Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?