Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
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The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
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We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"