Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
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