oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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