We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
