so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
