people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
