some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
