my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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