Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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