she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Randomize
