Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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