i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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