I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
