some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
