So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
