did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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