what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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