took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
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If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
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I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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