I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I could make wine with my vomit
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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