you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
