Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
She's the barista slut.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Randomize
