i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
