I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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