Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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