On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
