Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
